Mini-review: Annabelle (2014)

Annabelle
Directed by John R. Leonetti

A horror movie that's probably only mildly creepy to audience members between the ages 3-9 (the rest should find it just plain silly). A not-really-follow-up to The Conjuring, but based on a sub-plot from the film surrounding a seemingly possessed doll -- the image of which being by far the "scariest" thing in the movie. About as creepy and atmospheric as a stack of pillows near a fireplace, and just like that statement, this movie may leave you thinking "um, what?" but you won't have any reason to be afraid of it.

Mini-review: Peter Rottentail (2004)

Peter Rottentail
Directed by John Polonia & Mark Polonia

Among the silliest movies I've ever seen, this killer demon rabbit magician movie is the right amount of ridiculous to be fun, but not overdone to the point where it becomes annoying. Combine the obvious budget restrictions evident in the casting and costume choices with the "boing" sound effects when the titular creature hops, and the magic bunny-themed weapons (including killer carrots and...a meat cleaver...?) and you've got yourself a pretty fun movie. Doesn't take itself too seriously, but isn't nearly as self-aware as you might imagine: the right combination of ridiculous and bad.

Mini-review: Yeti: A Love Story (2006)

Yeti: A Love Story
Directed by Adam Deyoe & Eric Gosselin

A trashy bit of fun, this movie essentially encapsulates all that is both wonderful and horrible about Troma films all in a neat 80 minutes. Low budget, campy, self-aware, tasteless, tacky, funny, and completely insane and ridiculous in almost every way, it's a wonder movies like this even exist. With this kind of film, it's hard to recommend to people, but for the people who do enjoy trashy B-movie satire, this will be a good one to look for. Though sometimes the movie takes it too far in the gross-out direction, I still had fun with it.

Mini-review: As Above, So Below (2014)

As Above, So Below
Directed by John Erick Dowdle

One of the most uneven, creative, and ridiculous mainstream horror movies of the past few years, this movie takes many wrong steps as it goes, but succeeds in staying at least interesting and delivering a surprising and often quite interesting third act. What it lacks in scares, it more than makes up for in creativity, and has a few really great moments. It may feel at times a little bit like National Treasure, but I suppose there are worse things in the world than being similar in ways to a silly Nic Cage movie. Also, this really didn't need to be found footage. That's a gimmick that has really run its course, and it would be nice if in the future filmmakers would refrain from arbitrarily using it. Still, as erratic is it may be, this movie is worth looking into if you find yourself in the mood for a different kind of horror film.

Mini-review: The Curse Of Frankenstein (1957)

The Curse Of Frankenstein
Directed by Terence Fisher

The movie that kickstarted Hammer Films as a horror powerhouse, and from what I've seen, my favorite of the bunch. Peter Cushing gives his best performance as a very evil, menacing Dr. Frankenstein, and while the movie isn't faithful to the novel, it doesn't follow the story of the 1931 James Whale adaptation either. It's its own creation, and though the monster isn't nearly as fleshed out and interesting as others, as for a depiction of the mad scientist himself, this easily my favorite. Cold, creative, and even sometimes creepy, this is one of the best Frankenstein movies I've seen, and a great re-imagining of the source material.

Mini-review: The Hound Of The Baskervilles (1959)

The Hound Of The Baskervilles
Directed by Terence Fisher

A great vehicle for Peter Cushing to show off just how great of an actor he really is, this popular adaptation is one of the very best I've seen from the Sherlock Holmes catalog and features my favorite Holmes performance. An interesting story presented in a way that works far better as a film than as a novel, this movie has tension, twists, and some really great visuals to match the mysterious tone. Another solid effort from Hammer Films.

Mini-review: The Mummy (1959)

The Mummy
Directed by Terence Fisher

Of all the landmark Hammer horror films I've seen, this one has to be my least favorite. And even still, it isn't a bad movie. With Peter Cushing delivering one of his many strong performances and poor Christopher Lee playing a monster (as usual), this movie is all style and little substance. Not even remotely creepy or tense, this film focuses more on storytelling. And while the story it tells is enough to keep your attention, it isn't enough to keep you interested in what might happen next. Not bad, but not good. Worth a watch only if you're in the mood for a small dose of ancient Egypt.

Mini-review: The Fog (1980)

The Fog
Directed by John Carpenter

Slow, atmospheric and unique, this ghost story from John Carpenter does a great job at building tension using a strange scare device without ever seeming silly or gimmicky. Though it doesn't match the quality or effectiveness of his other horror classics, Halloween or The Thing, I find that an unfair comparison seeing as how both of those movies are absolutely amazing. But for a simple '80s ghost story, this movie delivers some chills and, as a rarity for horror, actually improves on repeat viewings -- at least, it did in my case.

Mini-review: Ice Cream Man (1995)

Ice Cream Man
Directed by Paul Norman

Featuring a rare leading role for Clint Howard (AKA Ron Howard's weird brother), this cornball horror movie is just bad enough to be relatively funny, but good enough in ways to make it somewhat interesting. Clint Howard is creepy; but not in the way he's supposed to be. He kind of does a Batman voice throughout the movie, and is obviously only the kind of performance that's intended to scare little kids -- but the movie is rated R, so little kids shouldn't be watching it anyway. Entertaining enough, but definitely not worth spending anything more than a little of your time on.

Mini-review: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Directed by Jalmari Helander

One of the most imaginative Christmas movies ever made (which is saying something), and one of the most bizarre and awesome horror movies of the past 10 years. At times this "evil Santa" film feels like a kids movie, until things start getting serious, and you're left amazed that something that gruesome could make its way into a Christmas movie. No, this isn't the scariest thing out there, but it doesn't really try to be. Instead, it tells a unique story in a unique way, and ends on a high note. Great holiday viewing for anyone with a sweet tooth for seasonal horror.

Mini-review: It (1990)

It
Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace

Released as a two-part miniseries, this Stephen King adaptation has all the common traits found in his work. Though obviously not intended for adults, this movie has moments of creepiness, but much of that is diffused by how childish and bloated the story is. Pennywise the clown is one of the most iconic horror villains of the past 25 years, and a large reason for that is due to the actor playing him. Tim Curry gives it his all (as usual) in a performance that ranges from genuinely creepy to over-the-top silly and ridiculous, and the result is entirely entertaining. Not a bad movie, but still far too long for its own good and not very scary.

Mini-review: The Vanishing (1988)

The Vanishing
Directed by George Sluizer

Perhaps a little too dry for its own good, but just tense enough to keep things interesting. Often hailed as a masterpiece, and though I personally don't feel that way about it, I can understand the appeal. This is not a typical horror movie -- in fact, one could argue it's not even a horror movie at all. Slow, tense, gritty, and disturbingly cold, this is the kind of movie that won't scare you, but what it does do is get under your skin and stay there long after the ending credits roll.

Mini-review: Gingerdead Man 2: Passion Of The Crust (2008)

Gingerdead Man 2: Passion Of The Crust
Directed by Silvia St. Croix

Anyone who knows my taste in movies understands that I am not the most prudish person out there. I like trashy, goofy, ridiculous movies as well as I like pretentious arthouse films. That being said, what this movie has to offer is absolutely nothing I can get behind in any way. I enjoyed the first Gingerdead Man, as it did not assault my senses with an avalanche of trash, unfunny jokes, and complete lack of creativity or merit. In other words, it actually had something to offer. This sequel - this abomination - is one of the most uninteresting, unintelligent, horrible, unfunny, worthless, artless pieces of trash I've ever seen in my life. It doesn't offend me by being tasteless; it offends me by existing in the first place. Someone decided this movie needed to exist, and its sheer existence is a punishment to humanity and an offense to everything you have ever loved.

Mini-review: Blacula (1972)

Blacula
Directed by William Crain

With a title this amazing, this movie should have been so much better. Nowhere near as funny or silly as it ought to have been, a good deal of this movie is actually pretty straight-forward and dry. William Marshall gives a good performance, but this is over-shadowed by the fact that the movie itself is a bit of a joke, and his performance is far too good to belong in a blaxploitation flick. Don't get suckered in by the title; this movie is not particularly fun, funny, or even original at all.

Mini-review: Thankskilling (2009)

Thankskilling
Directed by Jordan Downey

Outrageous, ridiculous, bizarre, trashy, and totally awesome, this "horror" comedy about a killer turkey makes for one of the most entertaining purposely bad movies I've ever seen. Filled with hilarious one-liners, ridiculous moments, and just about anything else you could ask for from a low-budget trashy B-movie. Yet another movie I wouldn't recommend to just anyone -- meaning almost anyone at all, because this is a really tasteless movie with almost no production value or quality of any kind at all. I just really dig it.

Mini-review: Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006)

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon
Directed by Scott Glosserman

Starting off with a great premise that eventually disintegrates into a series of predictable cliches and obvious conclusions, this self-aware slasher film may cover similar ground as Wes Craven's Scream series, but tackles the subject in a completely different way. With a charming and psychotic lead in Nathan Baesel as the titular Leslie Vernon, this movie makes a few missteps, but more than makes up for them with its dark sense of humor and imaginative storyline. Fans of the slasher genre will find a lot to love here.

Mini-review: Lake Mungo (2008)

Lake Mungo
Directed by Joel Anderson

A slow-paced faux documentary that spends more time building up to a dramatic ending than it spends trying to tell an interesting story. Moments of eerieness are dispersed throughout the film in between interview segments that break the tension and take you out of the potentially immersive experience. Never delivers the punch it spends far too much time building up to, leaving you wanting and expecting much more. A strong premise executed in a very matter-of-fact way that eliminates a good portion of what could have made the movie creepy, powerful, and haunting. Still, an interesting movie that is worth checking out.

Mini-review: Demons (1985)

Demons
Directed by Lamberto Bava

An exceedingly entertaining piece of Italian horror, this Argento-produced bit of schlock is funny, gory, and just about everything you could ask for from a cheesy '80s horror movie. I was fortunate enough to experience this movie for the first time in a crowded room full of horror enthusiasts, and the experience alone was enough to make me enjoy it. Corny, gory, ridiculous, a great movie to watch with a bunch of people, and one of the most entertaining and intriguing Italian horror films I've ever seen.

Mini-review: Cheap Thrills (2014)

Cheap Thrills
Directed by E.L. Katz

Black comedy, drama, horror, thriller; whatever you choose to call it, this movie is an excellent addition to the genre. With great performances from all 4 leads, director Katz gets all he could ask for from his dedicated actors, who go all out in every way to drive the point home. Chock full of laughs, cringes, and many other awkward and dirty feelings, this is a movie that totally lives up to its title and exceeded all my expectations. An awesome experience for some, but definitely not recommended to the overly-sensitive or anyone with an overactive gag reflex.

Mini-review: House Of The Devil (2009)

House Of The Devil
Directed by Ti West

Though it doesn't match up to the quality of his two follow-up films (The Innkeepers and The Sacrament), it's hard to deny the obvious talent displayed here by Ti West in his feature-length directorial debut. Practically the dictionary definition of "slow burn", this movie is both menacing and subdued (well...mostly) in a way few directors are capable of pulling off this early in their career. Mature, ambitious, and very '70s, but not in an obnoxious or stupidly corny way (I'm looking at you, Hobo With A Shotgun).